To be entirely honest I don’t like the colour green.
It seems to infest vegetables, unwantable cars, 1970s bathrooms, hovels, trees, indoor plants, flower stalks and myriad other things the world could well do without.
The only Green I reluctantly accept is that of a fine field properly mown, the neat Guards Polo field, the elegant approaches to a fine chateau or country mansion and the peaceful nibbling of herbivores.
In terms of applying green paint to interior walls or, Heaven preserve us, exterior walls it is anathema to those of us born with the very reasonable distaste of this hideous colour.
I blame the rainbow with the jarring green colour imposed between the delights of yellow and blue, those sympathetic shades so enjoyable to the eye. As for cabbage, sprouts, peas,
runner beans, spinach, broccoli, okra and their ilk, the mind just boggles.
Just consider, for example, the fate of all the thousands of Civil Service underlings. Their shoebox office, tired metal furniture, one faded pearl lightbulb dim as a Toc H lamp and surrounding them, walls of dark Green extending up to the rackety dado and above that institutional red. Right up to the ceiling.
It’s no wonder their work is shoddy or non existent and the country they are supposed to serve diligently is in a frightful mess.
One hand poised to work if the fancy takes them and the other permanently outstretched for the bribes and benefits which never seem to materialise.
No wonder then how swiftly the mass of them elected to “work” from home when the opportunity arose. Comfortable within their Magnolia walls and always ready to pop into their Avocado Green bathtub at the slightest opportunity, there to dream of the promotion which never comes only afeared of the inevitable wilting Aspidistra in the kitchen.
Perhaps they are the lucky ones and the rest of us remain condemned to see ever more Green invading our streets and byways. Even Christmas with its promise of yet more time off and presents is tarnished with the Green of the Christmas Tree no matter how many shiny balls you suspend from its branches.
If, in days gone by, you sought to flee the metropolis and seek countryside for the balm of your soul, you were compelled to travel by the Green Line coaches to areas of broken swings and dubious public houses, the latter not uncommonly displaying some Green sign.
Everywhere you turn the iniquitous green is to be found. At the seaside the sea is green, the Southend Pier railway is green, the funfairs allow their rides to glow green. No escape there.
If, driven to despair, you seek to view the world from a satellite camera all you see is green vegetation covering the earth like a loathsome moss wherever you look. All that CO2 of course, greening the planet. Pfft.
Even a Venetian Plague mask on our wall is green and we have 2 green cushions on our sofa.
I have threatened divorce to no avail.
I am doomed.
Self: 0 Green: 1.
Foootsoldier Says… 